Laos 2

Greetings from Vientiane, Laos' very mellow and very French capital city. I withdrew some cash from an ATM machine today -- One Million Kip!

 

Well, that sounds nice but it's only US$100. I think to really impress anyone in this country you'd have to be a trillionaire. Or at least a 100-millionaire.

 

This email is going to be comprised mainly of lists, with the odd listless paragraph thrown in. Let's start with a short list of strange dreams I've been having, possibly a side effect of the malaria pills I'm taking. The pills in question are Malarone, which are supposedly side-effect-free.

 

1) Brushing my teeth and feeling kind of annoyed, wondering why toothpaste is made of 50% egg yolk.

 

2) Feeling a very strange sensation with the weather, then realizing it's a nuclear bomb going off.

 

3) Watching from a distance, half bemused and half terrified, as two giant wildebeest the size of buffalo run into stores terrorizing people then running out into the street to fuck, then back into another store as people scream uncontrollably.

 

 

I and two Australian guys came here to Vientiane together a couple of days ago. We kayaked here from Vang Vieng, the town famous for two things:

 

1) Restaurants that put magic mushrooms, pot and/or opium into your food.

 

2) The same restaurants being equipped with psychedelic paint jobs, oceans of mattresses and pillows, and TV sets showing episodes of Friends on an infinite loop. I know, I'm thinking the same thing -- Friends??

 

 

Rabid ridiculousness aside, the town was amazing. It's right beside a beautiful river with lots of little bamboo footbridges that take you to tiny little river islands with bars on them. Right past the river are some towering karst mountains that you have to see to believe. I'd have taken photos but my camera stopped working back in Luang Prabang. Here's a list of stories, events and iconic images:

 

My $3/night guesthouse room was infested with no less than 26 different species of possibly poisonous insects, countless mosquitos, and a gecko. I checked out and checked into the guesthouse directly next door. $7 per night got me a room that was so nice and stylish I almost felt guilty being in there. Newly built, with a gorgeous balcony and an unobstructed view of the aforementioned river and karst peaks.

 

Cows, monkeys, water buffalo, cats, dogs and counless other wild animals roam the streets in peaceful coexistence with local people. Sad that many of them are later barbequed.

 

I rented a motorbike one day and cruised down a rural dirt road surrounded by farmland. Constantly whooshing past me were literally millions of butterflies, like confetti thrown at a fan.

 

Renting the motorbike was simple. They don't ask you any questions along the lines of "do you have a driver's license?" or "Do you have any idea how to drive a scooter?" Just give them $4 and you get a scooter for a day.

 

Went swimming in the "Blue Lagoon," then went into this mind-blowing cave that swallowed me up and made me feel like I was lost inside a crater on the moon. I eventually made it out.

 

Laos' yearly Rocket Festival. I was in the right town at the right time, and went to this stricly locals-only event. Everybody was drunk on lao-lao, the foul but bearable local whiskey. Guys painted themselves black with engine sump oil, and everybody wanted to (and did) dance with me, the tall white guy. Homemade rockets were constantly shot into the sky (by kids) to encourage rainfall. Successful launches were met with cheers, and the impotent ones were met with scorn. There were also carved wooden penises all over the place. Fun day.

 

Bats. Lots of bats.

 

 

 

And now here's a list of things from back home that I miss:

 

Americans.

Peanut butter.

Cream cheese.

Shower curtains.

My guitar.

The hair on my head. I shaved it off recently.

You.